New stage in life - University!

So now i really can't be bothered making this any structured like I TRIED doing in the past. 

Perhaps I should just start a daily (or whenever i update it) diary/journal.

That way, I'll actually remember my thoughts/feelings and won't feel awks that someone might read this :p

Although in the past when i've written a diary I have never put ALL thoughts down...conveniently skipped parts that might be embarrasing/not good if someone read it. So I never said bad stuff about anyone really for example :p

But i'll try and change that this time. 

Anyway, uni started and I'm writing this post after 6 weeks (7 if you include Orientation Week), in the mid term holidays (2 weeks break between term 1 and term 2). I feel very settled into uni already, and have made an amazing group of friends. It's really surreal and I feel very comfortable. 

6 weeks should be a long time, but it feels like in term of uni work, that those 6 weeks went by tooo quickly! On the other hand, it feels like i've known my 'new' friends for AGES. 

I'm at University of Adelaide, studying Software Engineering... it's a bit of a trial degree, I was initially thinking of electrical and electronic engineering and then considered a double degree between electrical and electronic engineering and maths and computer science (majoring in comp sci) but then decided to go with software as it gives me more programming experience in first year. 

Everything is getting so much harder in programming, and i'm slacking sooo much in the maths and elec eng IA especially, and i'm really not spending any real effort in comp sci to really learn. I get intimidated by others knowing so much, or even if they didn't know anything when they started off, but they know so much more than me now - have a better thinking or whatever. But how can I expect to not feel this way when they put in effort and I don't? It's so stupid of me, but if I can't make myself do this, then perhaps that's enough to show that I don't have that passion and should try a diff degree altogether.

But i can't see myself doing any other type of engineering either, so do I need to look into something else then? Something with more of an emphasis on communications? Something in Commerce? Science? Arts? Philosophy? I have no idea really.... 

Sighhh getting older and needing to have the responsibility to decide upon careers and face who you might really be is extremely difficult and this is not fun because I don't what how to find out who I am - whether something is truly me or something I've been influenced to think I am/or something I THINK/wish I am. 

I feel like i have not known anything else to swap into anything else - who says i'll enjoy something else? People suggest Law, but there are too many different ways you can take that degree and I don't know what they are - and trust me, I've felt that career expos/open days and talking to people still doesn't help. You really need to find out yourself through experience perhaps. 

Another thought - uni has changed me in a way. I feel a little less restricted in some ways. What I mean is that I am a lot more open, friendlier and open to making new friends and not so afraid to go up to people whom I perhaps first thought wouldn't be the kind of people whom I'd like to hang out with and vice versa. I say whatever I want, more so than I did before and am possibly more cheeky too :p :p ^_^ I think and I guess with that also came carelessness.... And I really don't need to be any more careless. 

I feel like i've ranted enough for one night. 

It would just be a nice change if things went my way :p 

PS: reading some of the things I've said in the past...they may be true but oh god they are soo lame. Oh well, judge me as much as you like! Firstly no one even reads this and secondly if you make ur judgmental nature vocal, it'll only make me stronger :D 

P.S "You are you now, not you then" - Anonymous Friend